[Those words are sharp and they cut deep. Not in swift, smooth movements, but a slow, torturous sawing that leaves his heart broken and bleeding. Somewhere, hidden within the part of his brain that hasn't fallen under the spell of love, he knows this is exactly why they shouldn't be doing this. Shouldn't have allowed themselves to get in this deep. Until they were no longer able to survive alone. Until they could not longer be separated into two whole beings.]
Ignis. [A soft whisper forced into the still night air. A hand that reaches out for something, to grasp whatever he can and offer the comfort that comes from that touch.] I get it. But you can't keep me by locking me away. It doesn't work that way.
[It was never Ignis' intention to lock Noctis away or anything drastic like that. He knows how Noct appreciates freedom in general. Noctis can do as he pleases, make decisions on his own as he always did. But the thought of him being dead, again... Ignis is not sure he can handle that.
He can feel the telltale sting behind his eyes and takes a deep breath. Noctis is fine, Noctis is fine, he will be alright... A mantra he repeats to himself, reminder that Noct's here, in bed, and that he will heal.]
It just-- [Ignis' voice is a bit shaky,] --it reminds me of that time. It was so long ago and I shouldn't be dwelling on those things anymore. And yet...
[He sighs,] Seeing you in bed like this brings the images back. [Of Noctis being chained to the bed, unable to walk, to run, to move...] The feeling of helplessness is threatening to drown me. [He never opens up like this because he shouldn't be weak- he's Noct's support, unmoving and always there. If he cracks and falls, who will be there to catch Noct?]
Iggy. [Everything about this hurts. Memories that come flooding back unbidden, images of a part of his life he tried so desperately to forget. A phantom ache that seared it's way along the scars that remained embedded deep within his skin as proof of his own weakness.
Bones, cracked and barely healed, mended together with the force of magic. Muscles, stiff and tired, straining in protest as he forced himself up and over, to roll from his stomach and onto his side.]
I'm right here. And I'm going to be fine. I have you. And if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can take on the whole damn world as long as you're with me.
[A hand stretches forward, reaching, searching. Until the pads of fingers slips along the expanse of a palm, tracing over the line that lay etched into the skin, before intertwining them together and tugging. Silent encouragement to come down and join him. To lay with him. To hold him. To feel the way his heart beat within his chest and know that they were both still there.]
Shifting so he doesn't hurt Noct as he lies down, Ignis joins Noct in bed, next to him, his forehead leaned against Noct's shoulder. Noctis can take on the world, it's true; Ignis would be by his side all the time. Always following, to encourage and support him. To help him when he needs it and show him how much he loves him. Yet he's still to learn how not to worry when things like this happen. That in their line of job this type of thing is normal.
But...]
I'm sorry, [Ignis says quietly, into the fabric of Noct's shirt.] I swore to myself I will always keep a smile on your face.
[His voice is barely above whisper;] I love you so much, I never want to see you in pain.
[Something within him - something that's realistic, that holds the truth and tries desperately to hide it from the rest of him - wants to say that no one can be happy all the time. No one can constantly be smiling. Not even Prompto, who shone so bright it was as if someone had captured the sun and placed the entirety of it into one person.
And if the sun himself wasn't capable of it, then Noctis definitely wasn't.
But he doesn't. Because Ignis doesn't need the truth if realism right now.
His head tilts, just enough to press his lips softly into the mess formed by dirty blond hair. To nuzzle down into it and breathe in deeply. Ignis was better than any healing spell or pain killers he'd ever experienced. Chases away the ache and the sadness. Fought away the nightmares and gave everything he had just to get Noctis through one more day.]
I know, Iggy. It's why seeing you hurt so much when we first got here. [Because he knew those burns ached. And hw couldn't even do anything about it.]
[Ignis is grateful that Noctis doesn't bring up the realistic side of things. He's very well aware of them when he's not in a state like this where he feels that everything he does will never amount to anything. These are far few and in-between situations, however, and Ignis will keep them that way. He doesn't want to worry anyone about his doubts in his own opinions and decisions.
He will need a few moments to recollect himself, and a day or so to prove to himself that Noctis is alright, that he will be alright. Shifting his head a bit, his eyes search for Noct's lantern that's hanging on the wall, and Ignis sighs.]
I promised, didn't I? That I will always stand by your side.
[And there is no other King he would ever bow to.]
[These moments were rare, so few and far between that it was difficult to even recall when they had happened last. When Ignis' guard would fall just enough, when he would allow himself to be weak, to need. And gods had Noctis always been terrible about rising to the occasion. About being the strength that Ignis was searching for.
So many things had changed. Come heaven or this hell they had found themselves in, that was going to be one of them.]
You've always had my back. And I've got yours, you know that, right? I've got you.
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broplaints) wrote2019-06-18 07:33 pm
no subject
Ignis. [A soft whisper forced into the still night air. A hand that reaches out for something, to grasp whatever he can and offer the comfort that comes from that touch.] I get it. But you can't keep me by locking me away. It doesn't work that way.
no subject
[It was never Ignis' intention to lock Noctis away or anything drastic like that. He knows how Noct appreciates freedom in general. Noctis can do as he pleases, make decisions on his own as he always did. But the thought of him being dead, again... Ignis is not sure he can handle that.
He can feel the telltale sting behind his eyes and takes a deep breath. Noctis is fine, Noctis is fine, he will be alright... A mantra he repeats to himself, reminder that Noct's here, in bed, and that he will heal.]
It just-- [Ignis' voice is a bit shaky,] --it reminds me of that time. It was so long ago and I shouldn't be dwelling on those things anymore. And yet...
[He sighs,] Seeing you in bed like this brings the images back. [Of Noctis being chained to the bed, unable to walk, to run, to move...] The feeling of helplessness is threatening to drown me. [He never opens up like this because he shouldn't be weak- he's Noct's support, unmoving and always there. If he cracks and falls, who will be there to catch Noct?]
no subject
Bones, cracked and barely healed, mended together with the force of magic. Muscles, stiff and tired, straining in protest as he forced himself up and over, to roll from his stomach and onto his side.]
I'm right here. And I'm going to be fine. I have you. And if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can take on the whole damn world as long as you're with me.
[A hand stretches forward, reaching, searching. Until the pads of fingers slips along the expanse of a palm, tracing over the line that lay etched into the skin, before intertwining them together and tugging. Silent encouragement to come down and join him. To lay with him. To hold him. To feel the way his heart beat within his chest and know that they were both still there.]
no subject
Shifting so he doesn't hurt Noct as he lies down, Ignis joins Noct in bed, next to him, his forehead leaned against Noct's shoulder. Noctis can take on the world, it's true; Ignis would be by his side all the time. Always following, to encourage and support him. To help him when he needs it and show him how much he loves him. Yet he's still to learn how not to worry when things like this happen. That in their line of job this type of thing is normal.
But...]
I'm sorry, [Ignis says quietly, into the fabric of Noct's shirt.] I swore to myself I will always keep a smile on your face.
[His voice is barely above whisper;] I love you so much, I never want to see you in pain.
no subject
And if the sun himself wasn't capable of it, then Noctis definitely wasn't.
But he doesn't. Because Ignis doesn't need the truth if realism right now.
His head tilts, just enough to press his lips softly into the mess formed by dirty blond hair. To nuzzle down into it and breathe in deeply. Ignis was better than any healing spell or pain killers he'd ever experienced. Chases away the ache and the sadness. Fought away the nightmares and gave everything he had just to get Noctis through one more day.]
I know, Iggy. It's why seeing you hurt so much when we first got here. [Because he knew those burns ached. And hw couldn't even do anything about it.]
no subject
He will need a few moments to recollect himself, and a day or so to prove to himself that Noctis is alright, that he will be alright. Shifting his head a bit, his eyes search for Noct's lantern that's hanging on the wall, and Ignis sighs.]
I promised, didn't I? That I will always stand by your side.
[And there is no other King he would ever bow to.]
no subject
So many things had changed. Come heaven or this hell they had found themselves in, that was going to be one of them.]
You've always had my back. And I've got yours, you know that, right? I've got you.